Celebrity scientists

Scientists are copping the brunt of intense campaign by the world's celebrities to improve public awareness of subjects they themselves know nothing about.

Reeling from the wave of misinformation, scientists around the world are realising for the first time their lack of popularity.

"I mean, tweed jackets never go out of style. Do they?" said Dr John Yossarian, a world expert on toxicology and leading contender for world's most boring arse. "I just don't understand it."

"Well, I kinda agree with the lyrics in Pinks songs, so I guess I'd probably agree with everything else she says," says Shazza from the local hair salon, an avid New Idea reader.
"Although I dunno what I'm gonna wear in winter now cause Pink say's I can't wear wool. Gonna be a bit cold without me jumpers."



Pink has stepped up her attack on the Australian sheep industries cruel campaign to eliminate maggots and flies forever by a relatively simple, though unpleasant, operation called mulesing which involves removing a bit of skin from the sheep's backside.

"I mean, where are these poor maggots going to live? We're destroying their homes. Its genocide."

Scientists are still uncertain whether sheep have enough neurons to feel pain, but in any case have been unable to answer whether they'd prefer to loose the arse-flaps or die a slow and painful death being eaten alive from the inside by maggots.

Pink wants to preserve the fragile ecosystem in this sheep's backside and prevent the rare and endangered maggot from going extinct.

The animal action group PETA has called for calm.

"This is really getting out of hand," lisped a PETA representative. "In the past we'd all be throwing buckets of blood on people's woollen jumpers by now. But I think we can solve all of this if we just sat down over a nice cup of tea. We here are PETA pride ourselves on being reasonable."

The Australian government was quick to respond to the obvious threat Pink makes to its national economy.
"You know, Pink is entitled to her views but at the end of the day would Australia's farmers take advice from Pink?" said minister Peter Costello, referring to Aussie farmer's preference for Madonna while shearing.

Madonna of course is widely respected by fringe scientists and the public alike for her heroic attempts to clean up the Chernobyl disaster using Kabbalah magik. With a "k".


"I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste... that's something I've been involved with for a while with a group of scientists - finding a way to neutralise radiation." said Madonna. (And I'm not making this quote up. This one is REAL.)

A leading nuclear physicist, who prefers to remain unnamed in case Madonna uses her Kabbalah powers on him, is interested in the work.
"Yeah, she must be onto something. I mean, there is absolutely nothing in the scientific literature about "neutralising" radiation, there is no hint that its even possible, there is nothing in all our theories of nuclear physics that suggests its even remotely possible. So clearly Madonna is way ahead of the world's leading scientists in her understanding of nuclear physics. "

Asked whether it may be a sham, Dr Zhivago said "There is that. People have suggested that someone is taking her for a ride and fleecing her money... But then again, if Madonna can continue to defy gravity and biological aging at her age... she must know more about the mysteries of the universe than us mere scientists."

More celebrity wisdom Sense About Science.


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UPDATE: Pink may have been misinformed by PETA.

To the dismay of sheep lovers around the world, and New Zealand in particular, Pink has recently admitted she may have misinformed by much misunderstood and generally infallible animal rights organization PETA.

"I was speaking without thinking and I actually did say ban Australia, which is bullshit. It's not something that I can agree with," said Pink.

Pink also noted that her change of heart has absolutely nothing to do with her upcoming tour of Australia, and the negative publicity it has generated in the wake of her farmer-bashing.

"Again, that's something I should have researched on my own. I take full responsibility for not being 100 per cent prepared and researched," she said.

PETA representatives are reportedly dismayed by Pink's spectacular triple-backflip of the PETA bandwagon.

"Yes, it is a real shame," said one bespectacled PETA member over a cup of tea. "We at PETA try so hard to get our facts straight. Its not like we want to run emotion-charged campaign of misinformation at all. We might as well go around throwing blood on people if we were into that. No, we pride ourselves on being rational and reasonable, and to think we may have left something out, and let Pink make an arse of herself... well, it boggles the mind."

The whole wooly business can be found here.